my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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