he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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