You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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