Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she told me i tasted like america
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
