Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
