is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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