benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize