When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
