Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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