You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
