I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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