Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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