Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize