the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
