we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
