I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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