I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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