Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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