Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
