How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
