how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
