i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
