I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
