i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im part way to drunk.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
