I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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