I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
