Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
