she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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