Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
