Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This baby is an asshole
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
