so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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