Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
do nipples grow back?
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