My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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