my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
