she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
