I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
