I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
