I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
