Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
