some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
