She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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