We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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