I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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