Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
