Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
