Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
