thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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