Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
