dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize