So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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