I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
