Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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