why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize