I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
