i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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