why didn't you poke me back
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
