I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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