So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize