We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
