I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
