I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
