that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
