Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
