3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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