4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I died a long time ago.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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