Kiss
Puke
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
honey bunches of taint.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
