ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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