hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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