I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
