Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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