I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
