Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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