I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
