Already got asked if we're dating
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
