my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
