After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
please come you make the beer taste better
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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