Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
