I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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