Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
