After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who died my cat blue again?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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